So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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