no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
