I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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