Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
