As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
