did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
