shes about as inviting as chlamydia
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize