I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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