That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
