I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
