Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
