I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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