weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
In other news, I just burned my penis
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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