if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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