you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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