I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
