I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
