please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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