Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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