Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
