About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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