2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
