maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
