she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
