Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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