Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
