mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
