10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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