Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
