I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
