I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
