Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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