need another drink. this is the easiest way
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
