Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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