I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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