I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
