I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
