i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
