Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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