Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
