he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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