the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
