listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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