Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
