i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
