guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Mom said you looked used
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
