Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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