There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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