Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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