Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
