Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize