franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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