please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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