I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
