you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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