i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This house was built for laser tag.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
