The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
