Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
