my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
