I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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