What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
