she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
