I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
