so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
