tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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