i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
