I'm drive I can fine osifer
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
