yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
