Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
