The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
