that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
