So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
