woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize