thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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