I can text with my tongue
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
